Welcome to Hillside, the Christian Ministry of South African Theologian and IT Consultant, EJ Hill. Please TAKE NOTE, that apart from the Hillside Bible Commentary and Hillside Word Pictures, this site also contains various Resources, including a collection of Bibles, Commentaries, Lexicons, Dictionaries, Statements, Hymns, Software and Podcasts, as well as a growing number of Responses to various Individuals and Institutions. The content of this site is also available via RSS, Facebook, FeedBurner, FriendFeed, Google Currents, Google Plus, Ifttt, MailChimp, Networked Blogs and Twitter. What I publish here is primarily for my own benefit, so please remember to "test everything" (1 Thess. 5v21), since I do NOT claim infallibility. If you have any Questions, please Search This Site, before Contacting Me.

Divorce (Updated)



Proof-Texts and Cross-References

Deut. 24v1-3; Mal. 2v16; Mt. 5v27-32, 19v4-9; Mk. 10v2-12; Lk. 16v18; 1 Cor. 7v10-15

Introduction

It is with sadness, that I announce the end of my six-year-long marriage, to the most beautiful women I ever knew.

My critics, no doubt, will revel.

But, unfortunately for them, our divorce wasn't because of me, but the direct result of many years of drug- and sexual abuse, endured by my wife, prior to our marriage.

After six years of marriage, and countless hours spent in counseling, prayer, and tears, she finally confessed to both, her homosexuality AND consequent infidelity.

Heartbreak

I have experienced heartbreak before.

BUT, never have I been so devastated, that, like Jonah, I literally begged God to remove me. (Jonah 4v3)

Following this revelation, I spent countless hours walking along the beach - crying, thinking, reasoning and questioning myself:

How could she? Why? Did she ever love me? What about our daughter? What is she going to make of all this? What now? How am I going to tell our parents?

During these walks I made a couple of very important decisions:

➢ One. To accept the hand I've been dealt, without resentment towards her, God, or anyone else.

➢ Two. To forcibly remove the scales of self-delusion from my eyes, no matter how much it hurts.

I am but a man, and everything inside of me wants to be with her - to excuse her. I want to believe, that we can somehow work it out - AGAIN. I want to believe, that we can still grow old and grey together.

She is everything I ever wanted in a wife: beautiful, intelligent, fun, and playful.

BUT, the reality is, she doesn't really feel the same about me, regardless of what she may say. Ultimately, action speaks louder than words, and talk is cheap.

➢ Three. To grant her her freedom to pursue her own happiness.

For six years, to the best of her ability, she denied herself, in an attempt to keep me happy. I have nothing but admiration for that.

Now it is my turn to deny myself, my needs, and my happiness, for the sake of hers.

➢ Four. To swallow my tears, for the sake of my wife, daughter, family, friends, and clients.

They all have enough of their own problems. They really don't need mine as well.

➢ Five. I will never forget her in my prayers, and do my best to help where I can.

Aftermath

So, what have I learned from all of this?

I learned, that time waits for nobody - and that is a good thing. Every morning I had to get up, put a smile on my face, and go to work. That helped me, since it prevented me from dwelling on my pain.

I learned, what amazing friends I had. Friends who would swooped me away for dinner, without attempting a single cliche.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why did you write this article?

In the hope that my experience, and the resources I shared here, will not only provide answers to my family and friends - but also benefit some of my readers.

What hurt you the most?

The realization, that she is truly and madly in love with someone else. Watching her leave in the evening, only to return the next morning - laying awake the whole night, not knowing where she was, or with whom.

Will you marry again?

'Never' is a long time, but I doubt it. I'm almost 40, and it's apparently all downhill from here ;-)

Videos

IF you are reading this off-line, please visit us on-line to view the embedded videos.



Bibliography

1. Divorce (Wikipedia; 13 April 2014)
2. EJ Hill. Remarriage (Hillside; 13 April 2014) ✔
3. How to Tell Your Kids You're Getting a Divorce (WikiHow; 13 April 2014)

For more information on Divorce, please visit Divorce 360 and the Divorce Subreddit; the Divorce Archives at the Helpguide, International Business Times, Parenting Without A Parachute, Reddit, US Weekly and WikiHow; or simply run a SOHO Search.

Revisions

13.04.2014
Older Posts